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The Masked Mage
Master of Realmslore

USA
1730 Posts

Posted - 15 Nov 2015 :  22:21:00  Show Profile  Send The Masked Mage an AOL message  Click to see The Masked Mage's MSN Messenger address Send The Masked Mage a Private Message  Reply with Quote
One time in college a group I was roleplaying with turned out to be big assholes. After having enough of watching them be dicks I waited until all our characters were in a little room recovering from battle, then broke my staff of the magic over my knee, killing myself and everyone else in its retributive strike, and then walked out :). The final word was sweet.
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ErskineF
Learned Scribe

USA
326 Posts

Posted - 21 Jan 2016 :  03:23:41  Show Profile  Visit ErskineF's Homepage Send ErskineF a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I was playing Gruntar, a panther moreau, in a Gamma World campaign. I had mentioned to the DM that I was getting a little bored with the character, and was thinking about rolling up a new one. That was my first mistake.

We were exploring a metal tower that had been built before the apocalypse, and it held all kinds of high-tech gadgetry in it. There were several security robots that we had fought, but the most dangerous robot turned out to be a surgical-bot. We had found a security badge that gave us clearance to use its services. One of its functions was that it could provide synthetic upgrades. Another player and I were both eager to reap the benefit of this, but at the last minute he smelt a rat and decided to let me go first. I eagerly accepted. That was my second mistake.

The DM gave a very colorful description of how the apparatus worked. I laid down on a form-fitting chair that enveloped me in a green goo. I was rendered unconscious, and the surgical-bot began the operation. Little did we know that in the long years of its confinement in the tower it had gone mad. It proceeded with great delight (acted out by the DM with an equal amount of delight) to carve poor Gruntar up into little pieces, taking him apart on the cellular level. As the first slices came off, the other party members asked the robot if he knew what he was doing, but he blithely assured them that when he was finished, I would be better than new! Lasers and scalpels flashed rapidly up and down Gruntar's body, and the next thing they knew, he slid out of the chair, a mass of disassembled biological glop. It had all been done with such humor on the DM's part, that for a moment none of us could quite believe what had happened. Then the robot stepped back with a flourish and asked, "Who's next!?" Battle ensued, and they ended up tossing him over the railing of the central balcony. He fell several stories and broke into pieces when he hit the ground floor.

I might have been angry about the character dying without even getting a die roll, but the DM had SO MUCH FUN with it, it would have been churlish to spoil the moment. :D


--
Erskine Fincher
http://forgotten-realms.wandering-dwarf.com/index.php
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Diffan
Great Reader

USA
3459 Posts

Posted - 21 Jan 2016 :  05:17:08  Show Profile Send Diffan a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Most Laughable: We were about 16th level in a v3.5 campaign and the DM was showing signs that he was getting pretty fed up with the group (all in good fun I might add). The encounters were becoming more ferocious and difficult because he went all "Monty Haul" earlier with magical items to the group.

Anyways the group came across this farm that was appearing to have some sort of tree problem. When we investigate we're suddenly attacked by these twisted trees that are ridiculously powerful as they can cast the Weird and Phantasmal Killer at-will. Along with those are these swirling vortexes filled with all manner of weapons that basically slash you to death in a matter of seconds.

Unperturbed by this seemingly "easy" encounter we gladly roll for initiative. Quickly we learned that this was pretty darn deadly as two of our PCs (17th level Cleric/Ur-priest and 16th level Sorceress/Hathran almost died within the 2nd round). My Barbarian/Fighter/Frenzied Berserker went to work cutting down every tree he could see. The Prestige Class has a feature that, as long as you're raging/frenzying you cannot die due to HP loss. So as I embark on chopping down the 4th evil twisted tree my Frenzy peters out and I succumb to the 70-ish hp damage that I had taken. The DM described it as I just fell apart into small chunks of meat (cue deadly trap from the first Resident Evil movie). It was pretty darn funny IMO.


4E Realms = Great Taste, Less Filling.

"If WotC were to put out a box of free money, people would still complain how it was folded."

Edited by - Diffan on 21 Jan 2016 05:18:55
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Callmegene
Acolyte

USA
3 Posts

Posted - 15 Mar 2016 :  15:46:50  Show Profile Send Callmegene a Private Message  Reply with Quote
For the record, Wooly Rupert's descriptions about Eric the Wonder Cleric and his many characters were true. And yes, the 'Fine, I'll push the button again' was a bit of spite towards the DM situation at the time. What unfortunately Rupert did not participate in was the adventure where the Infamous Eric played an elven berserker. So, to keep him from having to roll character every twenty minutes, Eric was given an amulet of life preservation which worked after a random period of time. So, while there were the usual head shake of shame incidents with Eric, the high lights is when my Dwarven axe for hire, and friend's half elf minstrel discovered that Eric was more useful alive then dead. So, horses and wagon run off during a fight during which Eric was killed? Simple, we lash some ropes about Eric's ankles and the supplies to his corpse and drag him along. Up on a tower and not sure if we have enough rope to climb back down? Well, we had Eric's corpse. And while it was random, Mike had to leave the room when he rolled, and Eric revived half way down. For the record, despite the flailing and awful screaming, we did count the seconds, and DID have enough rope. Sinking ship and Eric cannot swim? Well, remember the end of 'Jaws' when Sheriff Brody and Matt Hooper paddle home on drift wood? Well, in this case Eric's body did float. Needless to say, while I did have my share of character death's, nothing could ever beat Eric's Utility Corpse.
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Callmegene
Acolyte

USA
3 Posts

Posted - 15 Mar 2016 :  15:52:59  Show Profile Send Callmegene a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Also, that campaign is where the phrase, 'Shut up Eric, you're dead' came from.
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Helm
Seeker

United Kingdom
22 Posts

Posted - 18 Oct 2016 :  19:26:24  Show Profile Send Helm a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I DM'd a group years ago, that included a firbolg fighter. The player was so excited to play a firbolg. On his very first swing of his large sized greatsword and I mean his 'very' first swing, he rolled a '1'. At the time we used the 'Good Hits and Bad Misses' tables from an old Dragon. He rolled critical hit self, scored near maximum damage and killed himself!

Another time, we had a psionicist who made himself paper thin to slide under a door...only to be shredded by the owlbears in the room.

Happy days ;-)
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Korginard
Learned Scribe

USA
126 Posts

Posted - 28 Oct 2016 :  21:13:00  Show Profile  Visit Korginard's Homepage Send Korginard a Private Message  Reply with Quote
That Psionicist obviously did not own any Cats!!!!

My first blunder:
Slave Pits of the Undercity: Investigating a room with a "Funny Smell" but it was dark, so being the brilliant 10 year old I was I struck a torch... BOOM!

<sigh>

Hey, at that age I was just happy my older brother was letting me play! (And that I had wandered off on my own so didn't blow up the rest of the party.. thus no angry teenagers chasing me from the house) :)
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Purple Dragon Knight
Master of Realmslore

Canada
1796 Posts

Posted - 06 Nov 2016 :  20:59:00  Show Profile  Click to see Purple Dragon Knight's MSN Messenger address Send Purple Dragon Knight a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Worse than death: one of my players kept disrupting the game and making suicidal decisions because he's the type of person who likes to roll new characters every week. He had his paladin charge the bad guys alone (i.e. he didn't wait for the others that were back at the inn and would only arrive an hour later at the appointed time - paladin didn't like to drink, of course). The bad guys overwhelmed him. He was about to gleefully rip his character sheet as the last blow was about to land on his head when I said, "Bad guy number 4 hits you for nonlethal damage." The bad guys proceeded to bring him back to the enemy castle and dismembered him one limb at a time, making sure to have an expert vivisectionist on hand that carefully sowed shut / cauterized each stump so he wouldn't die. The leader of the bad guys proceeded to mount him on a specially crafted cross located behind his throne, so that the torso and head only paladin would serve as his 'advisor' and 'ethics counselor.' When the rest of the party finally joined back with the paladin later, the party's big guy was basically wearing the paladin as a backpack, and mechanical prostethics were added in time for more functionality. The character did not die, and henceforth COULD NO LONGER DIE as he was UNABLE TO CHARGE IN SUICIDAL MANNERS, being strapped to the most careful PC's back. >:)
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
Moderator

USA
30814 Posts

Posted - 07 Nov 2016 :  02:59:43  Show Profile Send Wooly Rupert a Private Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Purple Dragon Knight

Worse than death: one of my players kept disrupting the game and making suicidal decisions because he's the type of person who likes to roll new characters every week. He had his paladin charge the bad guys alone (i.e. he didn't wait for the others that were back at the inn and would only arrive an hour later at the appointed time - paladin didn't like to drink, of course). The bad guys overwhelmed him. He was about to gleefully rip his character sheet as the last blow was about to land on his head when I said, "Bad guy number 4 hits you for nonlethal damage." The bad guys proceeded to bring him back to the enemy castle and dismembered him one limb at a time, making sure to have an expert vivisectionist on hand that carefully sowed shut / cauterized each stump so he wouldn't die. The leader of the bad guys proceeded to mount him on a specially crafted cross located behind his throne, so that the torso and head only paladin would serve as his 'advisor' and 'ethics counselor.' When the rest of the party finally joined back with the paladin later, the party's big guy was basically wearing the paladin as a backpack, and mechanical prostethics were added in time for more functionality. The character did not die, and henceforth COULD NO LONGER DIE as he was UNABLE TO CHARGE IN SUICIDAL MANNERS, being strapped to the most careful PC's back. >:)



Wouldn't that impact his laying on of hands ability?

Similar tale: once, me and Callmegene were at what was then the local gaming store. Gene is looking at this dude's Space Marine army, and notices a trooper that doesn't have any arms. "What kind of weapons does this guy have?" he asks.

Before the other guy could respond, I jumped in there: "Voice-activated ones, of course!"

Candlekeep Forums Moderator

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Edited by - Wooly Rupert on 07 Nov 2016 03:01:32
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Diffan
Great Reader

USA
3459 Posts

Posted - 07 Nov 2016 :  05:11:12  Show Profile Send Diffan a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Just recently I had a Dwarf cleric of Moradin try to jump an animated elephant on rolling pins (tomb of horrors, 5e) and well....he didn't make his Dexterity save and then couldnt roll out of the way. Splat!

4E Realms = Great Taste, Less Filling.

"If WotC were to put out a box of free money, people would still complain how it was folded."
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Varl
Learned Scribe

USA
256 Posts

Posted - 27 Jun 2017 :  04:48:26  Show Profile Send Varl a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I had a female human mage once that, while exploring a dungeon, found a section of it covered in knee deep water. The passageway went ahead maybe 30 feet then made a 90 degree turn left around a corner an undetermined distance. Everyone in the party was procrastinating on what to do next, so I employed a [i]Jump[i] spell and jumped my way down to the end of the corridor and jumped again left. Without thinking, I suddenly realized I couldn't see what was left (human), but it was too late. I jumped ahead into a stone dead end wall, knocked myself unconscious, fell back into the water and drowned. I kind DM may have given the others a chance to get to me in time, but I felt fine with the result. I shouldn't have been so impatient for the group to do something, and that was how I played her personality the entire time, so I think it was a fitting way to end her career and life.

Moral of the story is impatience can be as deadly as tooth and claw.

"We're not out of here in 10 minutes, we won't need no rockets to fly through space." -Parker, Alien.

Edited by - Varl on 27 Jun 2017 04:50:37
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Nyx_Necrodragon
Acolyte

United Kingdom
12 Posts

Posted - 24 Jul 2017 :  23:13:47  Show Profile Send Nyx_Necrodragon a Private Message  Reply with Quote
One of the players in my campaign decided to try and steal a magic mirror from a powerful NPC. A mirror that held a Great Old One inside it. He snuck up to the mirror and it ate him. I think that was pretty funny. I'm yet for my character to die in a laughable way.
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Fineva
Seeker

Canada
24 Posts

Posted - 08 Feb 2018 :  09:22:10  Show Profile Send Fineva a Private Message  Reply with Quote
a palanquin fell on my wizard.
My sister, another player tried unsuccessfully to lift it, stabbing the feet of the palanquin repeatedly into the old guys torso.
He did try to get her to find help, but "one more try" etc....ackkkk.

I"
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Dalor Darden
Great Reader

USA
3585 Posts

Posted - 08 Feb 2018 :  16:21:11  Show Profile Send Dalor Darden a Private Message  Reply with Quote
I always liked the befuddled old wizard Fizban; so I made a character of mine named Alzheimer the Addled.

Unlike Fizban, ol' Al had a mean streak, was greedy and generally mistrusted by the party. The DM was getting kind of tired of me I think, so he placed a trap inside a scroll tube.

Anyway, Al opens the scroll which triggers an Acid Storm spell. Even if I saved I knew I was dead and everyone was giggling at the table.

Then of course Aaron (the DM) said to everyone: "What are you laughing at, everyone else is in the area of effect too."

He never did explain how in the hell someone could have inscribed a Sigil/Glyph/Rune on the inside of a scroll tube though...

AD&D for me!

Edited by - Dalor Darden on 08 Feb 2018 16:28:54
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Balmar Foghaven
Seeker

Canada
29 Posts

Posted - 11 Feb 2018 :  11:37:05  Show Profile Send Balmar Foghaven a Private Message  Reply with Quote
A couple of good ones...

My group decided they wanted to test their mettle against the Tarrasque, so they hunted down its lair in the Underdark and battled it within an enormous cavern. One of them had the bright idea to jump onto its head from a ledge - it can't reach its own head right? Well, until it decided to simply thrust its head upwards into the ceiling - SPLAT.

Similarly, my cousin's barbarian believed it would be cool to jump onto the back of a dragon mid-flight to stab it to death. Not only did he forget that even were he successful that dead dragons fall, he forgot they can also do a barrel-roll. Failed saving throw to hang on, and suddenly he's plummeting 200 feet to the ground.

"Despair not, for in the end all things shall work out for the best - in at least one timeline."
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Balmar Foghaven
Seeker

Canada
29 Posts

Posted - 11 Feb 2018 :  11:44:39  Show Profile Send Balmar Foghaven a Private Message  Reply with Quote
And though it wasn't actually a death, one of my friends' 5e Wild Magic sorcerers came awfully close. Saved only by sheer dumb luck, as it were (a true testament to the randomness of wild magic).

We were running "Out of the Abyss" and they were quite literally just escaping the first drow camp when the alarm went off due to some failed attempts at stealth. The drow are closing in, and his wild mage decided to tempt fate by using his Tides of Chaos feature and then casting a spell to gain a wild surge.

First he rolls 1% - now he must reroll on the surge table for the next minute on each of his turns (even if unconscious).
The drow close in around him, and on his turn he rolls 7% - "you cast Fireball centered on yourself". That includes him, so he and the nearby drow are incinerated, putting him out but not dead.

His next 3 % rolls: 45, 75, and 84. So his allies are engaged in combat nearby, and now his "corpse" is suddenly floating, glowing brightly, and suddenly lashes out and leeches the life right out of everyone in 30 feet.

So the drow die, one of his companions goes down, but he wakes up with almost maximum HP. Glorious.

"Despair not, for in the end all things shall work out for the best - in at least one timeline."
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Balmar Foghaven
Seeker

Canada
29 Posts

Posted - 11 Feb 2018 :  11:47:48  Show Profile Send Balmar Foghaven a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Oh, and although the drow priestess of the camp survived the above encounter, she basically let them leave unharmed after witnessing that spectacle.

"Despair not, for in the end all things shall work out for the best - in at least one timeline."
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