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Necalli
Acolyte
6 Posts |
 Posted - 27 Dec 2009 : 20:13:13
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Alright... basically what I need is a writer or a decent wordsmith to create a description based on key traits I will detail below. Thanks in advance for anyone who stops by and helps me out.
A few extra things: No need to describe any clothing, jewelry, or items of any kind. No need to describe any bodily emotions. I would prefer if it was written as if someone was viewing him naked (except genitalia, no need for that to be in the description).
I can come up with an overall visual in my head of what he would look like, my problem is not a lack of inspiration, its just I am not too good at putting it down on paper and keeping it compact and making it flow together right.
Please try to keep it down to a paragraph or two (8-10 lines, 75 characters per line.) The reason for the word wrap is that that is what the game I plays uses to justify your description, which will make the description longer if you use anything over 75 characters per line.) I don't want another PC to look at my character and have my description make them have to page down to see all of it.
KEY TRAITS:
Height: 6'7 (counting horns 7 foot tall)
Skin: Solid ivory pigment, hairless
Facial Features: angular, high cheekbones, narrow jaw, etc.
Hairstlye: bald, nine, upward curving horns form a symmetrical circle around his head (kind of like a crown). Wears a well groomed mustache and goatee.
Eyes: Pupilless, ebon colored, human in shape
Ears: human shape, proportionate to the head (not too big/small)
Nose: narrow, slightly pointed (not beakish though)
Lips: black, canine lips (teeth are also sort of canine-like, prominent eyeteeth and canines, rest of teeth are human-like)
Build: Lithe, but wiry musculature
Body: Everything is proportionate
Arms/Legs: proportionate, human (no double joints, spines, etc)
Hands/Feet: Long digits, both sport black talons for nails, but are human (five fingers/toes on each foot/hand)
Misc. Traits: Does not cast a reflection or a shadow, exudes a slight sulfuric odor
You do not have to use the same words I used in the key traits list, any synonyms or other wordplay greatly welcomed. :)
(I will be using this as the description for a character I play in an Forgotten Realms Themed MUD. It is not to be a part of any written works or be published/profited from in any way, except that I will have a nicely written description for my character.)
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Victor_ograygor
Master of Realmslore
Denmark
1072 Posts |
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Lady Fellshot
Senior Scribe
USA
379 Posts |
Posted - 28 Dec 2009 : 06:06:27
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I suck at word wrapping (you will have to fix that yourself) but here goes:
(insert name here) takes his some of his appearance after the arcanaloth Nyrkin, his great grandfather. Vaguely resembling a hairless, horned jackal mostly turned human, he maintains a short dark beard and mustache to appear less canine and more like a satyr. Tall, slim and lithe with ivory pale skin, it is said that light passes through him, leaving a rotten odor behind rather than a shadow. |
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Necalli
Acolyte
6 Posts |
Posted - 28 Dec 2009 : 14:22:33
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Here is what I have so far:
Pure, unblemished hide of the whitest ivory covers the entirety of his seven
foot height. Nine, three inch, curved horns form a ring around his bald head,
and are the same color as his pupilless, ebon eyes. He is wiry and lithe,
with a healthy build of well-toned musculature. His facial features are
chiseled, with high cheek bones, a slight brow, a narrow, slightly pointed
nose, and black canine lips. A black, pencil thin mustache adorns his upper
lip and curves down into a pointed, well groomed goatee.
Upon closer inspection, one will notice that he does not seem to cast a
shadow, nor reflection of any kind. He speaks in a deep baritone voice and
exudes a slightly sulfuric odor.
This is what I am using currently. What I am trying to do is work in all the traits, but keep it compact, without too much filler. It has to be written as if the person looking at you has never met you before and does not know anything about you.
No worries though Lady Fellshot. I did need a bit of a start up for a background story, and Necalli is an arcanaloth descendant, so I will still use that. Thanks.
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woodwwad
Learned Scribe
USA
267 Posts |
Posted - 28 Dec 2009 : 20:04:25
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| Unless I'm totally missing the mark, Arcanaloths don't have horns. So, why have your character have horns? The point of Tieflings is to have them bear some of the traits of the creature they are desended from. One problem with that "race," is they should not be a race but dozens of different "races." Each with very different abilities, at least a different type for each kind of evil creature they are scions of. They can be from evil gods, devils, demons, night hags, yuganoloths and so many other creatures. Still, I'm a big fan of all the planetouched, they just each need a bit of tailoring. |
Check out my reviews on youtube of Forgotten Realms and other rpg products. http://www.youtube.com/user/woodwwad?feature=mhum |
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Necalli
Acolyte
6 Posts |
Posted - 29 Dec 2009 : 00:06:35
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Arcanaloths do have horns.
The arcanaloth are the record keepers of yugoloths. All transactions for services rendered in the Blood War goes through them. As yugoloths go, they are a civilized breed.
An arcanaloth appears as a robed human with the head of a fanged jackal or war dog. Ivory white horns jut from the top of its head. |
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Purple Dragon Knight
Master of Realmslore
Canada
1796 Posts |
Posted - 29 Dec 2009 : 03:37:32
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Pathfinder #25, "The Bastards of Erebus" has a full tiefling article, complete with a list of typical "Tiefling Bloodlines"
A must for all tiefling lovers! |
Edited by - Purple Dragon Knight on 29 Dec 2009 03:39:00 |
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Erik Scott de Bie
Forgotten Realms Author
USA
4598 Posts |
Posted - 30 Dec 2009 : 07:30:21
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Not that I'm actually answering your call for a descriptive piece, but as I was reading your notes, I wondered about his posture: Does he stand very straight and upright, or does he hunch over? Does he stand proud or look a little shady? The well groomed facial hair seems to suggest the former in each case, but you never know.
My favored technique for describing a character is to describe first those things that people see first: approximate size and shape, hair/skin color (though not precise tone), presence of striking features (gleaming eyes, horns, hooves, etc), also any particular smells or creepy feelings you get around a person (aasimar feel all radiant, tieflings might feel not quite right). Secondly, go into the details you'll notice upon searching deeper (facial hair, cheekbones, expression, nuances of posture). Also, try to describe the character doing something, or at least in a definite space.
Best of luck--you have a couple good starting suggestions here!
Cheers |
Erik Scott de Bie
'Tis easier to destroy than to create.
Author of a number of Realms novels (GHOSTWALKER, DEPTHS OF MADNESS, and the SHADOWBANE series), contributor to the NEVERWINTER CAMPAIGN GUIDE and SHADOWFELL: GLOOMWROUGHT AND BEYOND, Twitch DM of the Dungeon Scrawlers, currently playing "The Westgate Irregulars" |
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Necalli
Acolyte
6 Posts |
Posted - 01 Jan 2010 : 18:19:36
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It is the former in both cases, he is proud of his heritage and proclaims it openly, using it to intimidate the fearful into doing his will.
Or in one particular encounter recently, to convince the highly superstitious orcs that he is an incarnate of a greater power.
(When in actuality, he is a mage that is -currently- the equivalent to a level 10 hedge-wizard.) :D |
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Kiaransalyn
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
762 Posts |
Posted - 01 Jan 2010 : 20:21:27
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Here's my attempt.
"In front of you stands a tall naked white man (7'). His devilish ancestry apparent in his black empty eyes, his taloned fingers and the curving horns that crown his head. You can scent the whiff of sulphur. His lips curl back from his canines in an evil smile."
I've gone for the 'less is more' approach. Readers quickly form their own mental image. A good description hints and suggests. There's no need for a police report. :) |
Death is Life
Love is Hate
Revenge is Forgiveness
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass. |
Edited by - Kiaransalyn on 01 Jan 2010 20:22:45 |
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Shemmy
Senior Scribe
USA
492 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jan 2010 : 05:17:14
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quote:
Originally posted by Necalli
Arcanaloths do have horns.
An arcanaloth appears as a robed human with the head of a fanged jackal or war dog. Ivory white horns jut from the top of its head.
Well they had horns originally in 1e, but those vanished in all subsequent editions of the game. No horns in 2e, 3e, and in the one planar related thing in 4e that I think is cool - no horns there either. Heh.
Funny story actually. I had a chance to read over and contribute to the editing of some stuff in Dungeon when it was still in print near the end (basically combing it for planar content and continuity and suggesting possible references, additions, etc). As part of that particular module, 'Diplomacy' they had some artwork of an arcanaloth and did an updated arcanaloth statblock as well. The issue of the 1e horns came up. My opinion on the matter I think torpedoed any chance of their reappearance there and subsequent arcanaloths when they appeared in the Savage Tide AP later. You may blame me. ;)
I did suggest having those horns as a personal affectation that some arcanaloths took by virtue of having some shapeshifting ability, even going so far as to engrave them, decorate them with inlay, bands, etc as a mark of vanity. That would have rationalized the 1e discrepency to everything subsequent, but the no horns option won during email discussion. |
Shemeska the Marauder, King of the Crosstrade; voted #1 best Arcanaloth in Sigil two hundred years running by the people who know what's best for them; chant broker; prospective Sigil council member next election; and official travel agent for Chamada Holiday specials LLC.
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Necalli
Acolyte
6 Posts |
Posted - 11 Jan 2010 : 10:21:41
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| Hmm... engravings. Interesting. I have been looking for something to make him look more distinguished, original idea was maybe some branding work on the arms, or facial tattoos, but bas relief engravings on the horns, maybe with some platinum inlay set into it would be much better. Since he has nine horns... maybe each horn will be carved with a scene. Each scene depicting a layer of the Nine Hells. |
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Writers Needed - Tiefling Physical Description
