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sno4wy
Senior Scribe
USA
466 Posts |
 Posted - 21 Apr 2018 : 04:53:30
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Disclaimer: the contents of this post are very silly and are shared solely for humor value. There are also raunchy double-entendres (and raunchy non-double entendres).
A while back, Chris Perkins tweeted, "Jarlaxle is definitely a poster boy for pansexuality, as a certain pair of shapechanging copper dragons can attest." I thought it was rather odd that Perkins would use a heterosexual example for pansexuality, as even though Ilnezhara and Tazmikella are dragons, they are FEMALE dragons. So I tried to get Perkins to clarify with a humorous rhyme a la Dr. Seuss:
Would he love a girl or boy? You can say it don't be coy.
Would he do it with a goat? Would he do it, on a boat?
Would he bang them, in a box? Would he bang a male fox?
Would he, could he, in the dark? Bang them bang them in the park?
He might like them, he should see. He might do it with a tree.
Would he, could he, in the rain? Would he, could he, in the ethereal plane?
He'll do a dragon and do a spouse. He'll likely do it with a mouse.
But you must tell me, tell me true, would he bang me, and would he bang you?
Sadly, Perkins never responded to me, despite my efforts. :'( However, it wasn't all a waste, because it inspired a friend to write this (imo) awesome response in the voice of Jarlaxle:
Why, all of those, (I don’t mean to brag),
I’d even do it with a hag!
I could love both girl and boy,
I’ll say it, shout it, I’m never coy!
A goat I’ve done (and been called one),
And on a boat? Don’t kid me son!
This box you mention, ‘tis it tight?
For if ‘tis so, I’m set tonight.
A male fox? Now that’s a Tod,
I’d surely handle it (I’m near a god) *coughs*
As for the dark, that’s fine you see,
For what’s dark to you, is not to me.
A bang in the park, or bang a tree?
Why, I’d do both… simultaneously!
I’ll do anyone, anything, as I hope to explain,
In rain, a plane, or with a quatrain: (Thusly)
A spouse, a mouse, a dragon fair
A god, a clod, an argent squire
A lad, a cad, whose lustrous hair
Sets me alight as if on fire.
I pledge this to these words, I pledge it true:
I’d certainly bang Artemis, how ‘bout you?
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Markustay
Realms Explorer extraordinaire
USA
15724 Posts |
Posted - 21 Apr 2018 : 05:26:54
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Drow are notoriously... un-picky. Jarlaxle just happens to be an extreme example, but they are all hedonists. Its more about how interesting it will be, rather than what your partner(s)' sex, race, or species is. While most everyone else goes, "AHHHH! An Illithid!", A drow goes, "Mouth tentacles, huh? Hmmmmmm....".
Except for Drizzt... he's very conservative for some bizarre reason. He's was even worried about copulating with humans. And everyone breeds with humans.. they're almost as bad as orcs. 
Nice Poetry, BTW.
I just tried to respond with my own, starting with, "I will do it with a fox, I will do it with some..." and then I decided that I had better not do this thing.  |
"I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me" --- Dudley Field Malone
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Edited by - Markustay on 21 Apr 2018 05:28:54 |
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sleyvas
Skilled Spell Strategist
USA
11690 Posts |
Posted - 21 Apr 2018 : 15:09:42
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Would he use hat feather to tickle bum?
Would he choose whether to suckle some?
Would he use leather to spank me numb?
Would he get Heather to suck and hum?
I do believe he would you see;
because he acts most curiously!
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Alavairthae, may your skill prevail
Phillip aka Sleyvas |
Edited by - sleyvas on 21 Apr 2018 15:10:22 |
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Irennan
Great Reader
Italy
3802 Posts |
Posted - 21 Apr 2018 : 21:16:22
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| Lol, thanks for the laughs! |
Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things. |
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Rhymes for Jarlaxle (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)
