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Talwyn
Learned Scribe
Australia
222 Posts |
 Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 03:10:56
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*apologies to Mr B. Dylan for my mangling of his song  *
-sung to the tune "They times they are a-changin'"
Come gather 'round gamers
from throughout all the lands
and I’ll tell you a tale
that is really quite sad.
Of forces and companies
That are beyond your command.
Who’ve decided to butcher a
Land but we don’t understand
‘cause we thought the
setting was worth savin’
yet the Realms they are a changin’
Come sages and scribes
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
for the Realms as we know for it won't come again
And if we don't speak up soon
it’ll end up in the bin
And there's no tellin' what
it's really becoming.
For the losers now
are the fans of the old settin’
'cause the Realms they are a-changin'.
Come DM’s and players
Please heed the call
Don't sit back complacent
Don't put with it at all
For he that shouts in protest
just might get this crap stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come on Hasbro and WoTC
and admit that 4E is about making money!
Why do you ignore the core fans
is what we can't understand?
Your changes to the Realms
have alienated the fans all through the lands
Your new vision is
Rapidly tankin'.
Please get out D&D designing
If you can't lend your hand
For the Realms they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The once proud Realms
Will exist in the past
As the gamers leave the setting
WotC will sink fast
Their profits are rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the Realms they are a-changin'.
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Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on.
Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun.
EAT LEADEN DEATH DEMON!
Terry Pratchett
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Edited by - Talwyn on 23 Jul 2008 10:12:06
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Purple Dragon Knight
Master of Realmslore
Canada
1796 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 06:32:01
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Wow... good job Talwyn. That brought a tear to my eye... 
But nonetheless ruthlessly accurate. Sigh. |
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Talwyn
Learned Scribe
Australia
222 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 10:50:15
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*sung to the tune of American Pie*
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How Forgotten Realms used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make my character dance
in world which’d make me happy for a while.
But WotC made me shiver,
With every change they’d deliver.
Bad news on their webpage;
Forgotten Realms was going to change.
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about this inevitable tide
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Forgotten Realms died.
So bye-bye good old 3.5.
I played D&D & rolled my dice
for the very last time
And the sages and the mages were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that FR dies.
"this’ll be the day that FR dies."
Did you read WotC webpage lore
And did you have faith in their posts of yore,
when they said we'll let you know?
Do you believe in letting go,
if THO tells you so,
And can you teach me how not let the disappointment show??
Well, I know the settings’ in the bin
`cause I saw how they did Mystra in.
They started the spellplague blues.
Now I’ve got no campaign setting to choose.
I was a cynical mid 30's RP buck
Who saw that the changes had already stuck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the Forgotten Realms died.
So bye-bye good old 3.5.
I played D&D & rolled me dice
for the very last time
And the sages and the mages were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the Realms dies.
"this’ll be the day the Realms dies."
Now for ten years since TSR
WotC raised the bar with the introduction of edition 3
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the Ed G wrote for Forgotten Realms,
we all knew that all was well
As his voice spoke to you and me,
but while Ed G was looking around,
Those jesters smashed his whole world down.
The fan based got burned;
No emails where returned
And while Byres tried to placate the fans,
we all knew it was part of the plan,
to shape Toril for brand new fans
The day the Realms died.
So bye-bye good old 3.5.
I played D&D & rolled me dice
for the very last time
And the sages and the mages were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the Realms dies.
"this’ll be the day the Realms dies."
I may come up with more verses later 
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Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on.
Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun.
EAT LEADEN DEATH DEMON!
Terry Pratchett
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Edited by - Talwyn on 23 Jul 2008 10:57:21 |
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GRYPHON
Senior Scribe
USA
527 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 15:46:07
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| Well done, Talwyn... |
'Everyone dies...I only choose the time and place for a few.' --Eric Destler |
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Rinonalyrna Fathomlin
Great Reader
USA
7106 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 16:27:23
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That was funny. 
Msatran also has an American Pie song on the WotC boards. |
"Instead of asking why we sleep, it might make sense to ask why we wake. Perchance we live to dream. From that perspective, the sea of troubles we navigate in the workaday world might be the price we pay for admission to another night in the world of dreams."
--Richard Greene (letter to Time) |
Edited by - Rinonalyrna Fathomlin on 23 Jul 2008 16:28:23 |
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Hawkins
Great Reader
USA
2131 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 16:33:02
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| I enjoyed them both. |
Errant d20 Designer - My Blog (last updated January 06, 2016)
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back. --Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass
"Mmm, not the darkness," Myrin murmured. "Don't cast it there." --Erik Scott de Bie, Shadowbane
* My character sheets (PFRPG, 3.5, and AE versions; not viewable in Internet Explorer)
* Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Reference Document (PFRPG OGL Rules)
* The Hypertext d20 SRD (3.5 OGL Rules)
* 3.5 D&D Archives
My game design work:
* Heroes of the Jade Oath (PFRPG, conversion; Rite Publishing)
* Compendium Arcanum Volume 1: Cantrips & Orisons (PFRPG, designer; d20pfsrd.com Publishing)
* Compendium Arcanum Volume 2: 1st-Level Spells (PFRPG, designer; d20pfsrd.com Publishing)
* Martial Arts Guidebook (forthcoming) (PFRPG, designer; Rite Publishing)
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Amarel Derakanor
Seeker
97 Posts |
Posted - 23 Jul 2008 : 23:11:36
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| Talwyn, you sure got some talent. Too bad that your songs are true. It makes me sad, really. |
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Jamallo Kreen
Master of Realmslore
USA
1537 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 02:59:05
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EDIT: Opened mouth; inserted brain. Name of creator of "Roar" has been duly corrected. 
Talwyn (and all!), the line about "no emails got returned" reminds me of an e-mail of mine which did receive a reply when 3.0 was released. I thought that the ranges for missile weapons were ridiculous, as were the rates of fire. If real bows and arrows and javelins and spears and slings had been that lame, they would have been abandoned five thousand years ago, and if they hadn't been, they certainly would have been after Henry V was captured from the midst of heaped English dead on Crispin Crispian's Day! When I asked WotC if they were going to "correct" these problems, I received back a very snotty e-mail the gist of which was: "It's our game now; we own it; we can do anything we want with it; we're not going to change anything no matter how many years of experience you have as a roleplayer and no matter how much you know about military history. <raspberry>." Since then I have paid retail for ... hmmm ... no new WotC "core" D&D books; used books from Amazon and from eBay, with no extra profits for Hasbro (or royalties for the writers, unfortunately) have suited me just fine. Lots and lots of books from other publishers, but no new ones from WotC....
Mind you, I have no great love for AD&D -- THAC0 sucked big time and the proficiency rules were conflicting and contradictory -- but it was obvious that the people at TSR thought about what they were doing and cared about what they published. In fact, the ranges given for missile weapons in the AD&D Player's Handbook are so accurate that I have used them for quick and dirty approximations when writing or speaking about real-life weapons if I had no "real" references at hand. WotC's books, on the other hand, are completely divorced from reality, which may suit testosterone-charged 13-year olds ("My heavy warhorse charges 240 feet and tramples your g__ longbowman lol!!!!"), but they just don't cut it for me or any of the other gamers I know, young or old.
There's actually a better corporate stupidity example than New Coke for Hasbro's 4.New.Coke. It's "Roar," the Shaun Cassidy TV series which introduced Heath Ledger to US audiences. I know that more than a few people who knew from Celtic culture and Irish history volunteered to work on the show as consultants -- for free -- I was one of them, as was an accounting exec at Universal, which distributed the series -- yet the producers ignored all offers of assistance, spurning the very people who knew what would appeal to historians, re-enactors, and gamers alike. Instead of the historically accurate show they could have put out they released a cheesy, third-rate rip-off of "Hercules" and "Xena" which made no sense historically or militarily. Its ratings fell lower and lower with every episode, and Fox canceled its ass ASAP. Fox was either contractually obligated to air the episodes which they had already bought or they were so unprepared for the colossal failure of such an eagerly-anticipated show that they literally had no contingency plan (no "exit strategy") in case the show was a flop -- which it was -- but they did not renew the show nor broadcast any episodes as repeats. The show was so stinking bad that not even the 13-year old gamer geeks who freeze-framed the hot chicks gave a damn if it was canceled -- why should they, since they had "Xena" on tape? It would have cost the producers nothing extra to make the show realistic, and it might have been cheaper since they wouldn't have had to buy "distressed" chain mail instead of intact suits of it -- as a real person would wear -- but Cassidy and his partners had their heads up their buttocks and ignored every piece of free advice which was given to them, just as WotC and Hasbro have ignored every bit of advice about 4.New.Coke and Realms.New.Coke.
It remains to be seen if 4.New.Coke is as spectacular a failure as was "Roar," but even if it is, you can bet your life that Hasbro's new CEO won't leave without an enormous severance package, no matter how many Hasbro employees lose their jobs (or writers lose their contracts) because of Management's stupidity. Of course, it's possible that Realms.New.Coke will be a stunning success. It's also possible that I'll win Mega-Lotto and become a multi-millionaire by the end of the month. That's not impossible, it's just highly improbable.
So, sing on my friend, but be aware that the audience you really want is totally deaf to all entreaties. Treat them as immune to all mind-affecting spells and Charisma-based skills ... or Intelligence-based skills for that matter....
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I have a mouth, but I am in a library and must not scream.
Feed the poor and stroke your ego, too: http://www.freerice.com/index.php.
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Edited by - Jamallo Kreen on 03 Aug 2008 15:30:23 |
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Purple Dragon Knight
Master of Realmslore
Canada
1796 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 03:25:39
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"Well, I know the settings’ in the bin
`cause I saw how they did Mystra in."
Wow, that line is priceless Talwyn... good job on that second tune. You have stirred yet more nostalgia out of me... |
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Purple Dragon Knight
Master of Realmslore
Canada
1796 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 03:37:32
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quote:
Originally posted by Jamallo Kreen
So, sing on my friend, but be aware that the audience you really want is totally deaf to all entreaties. Treat them as immune to all mind-affecting spells and Charisma-based skills ... or Intelligence-based skills for that matter....
Sorry for the tangent, but the 8th-level wizard spell "mindblank" makes you immune to all mind-affecting spells and effects... that's been a huge problem in my epic-level campaign as all PCs now go about with that spell constantly cast or renewed on them. It largely makes enemy NPC enchanters or bards useless against them; same thing for all dominating monsters such as vampires.
Is there a way around this spell other than dispelling it? (which is hard to do when mindblank is cast by the party's 24th-level archmage... greater dispel adds a maximum of +20 to your d20 dispelling check, so a 24th-level archmage who cast mindblank is at a DC of 35 to dispel (DC 11 + 24); at level 30, greater dispel is impossible... so they'll need something else).
Mordenkainen's Disjunction? (I have not yet fully understood that spell, but I'm working on a "house interpretation", basically making it a foolproof dispel magic...)
Other than dispelling, I'm at a loss... Mindblank is just THAT good... |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36782 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 03:51:39
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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Dragon Knight
quote:
Originally posted by Jamallo Kreen
So, sing on my friend, but be aware that the audience you really want is totally deaf to all entreaties. Treat them as immune to all mind-affecting spells and Charisma-based skills ... or Intelligence-based skills for that matter....
Sorry for the tangent, but the 8th-level wizard spell "mindblank" makes you immune to all mind-affecting spells and effects... that's been a huge problem in my epic-level campaign as all PCs now go about with that spell constantly cast or renewed on them. It largely makes enemy NPC enchanters or bards useless against them; same thing for all dominating monsters such as vampires.
Is there a way around this spell other than dispelling it? (which is hard to do when mindblank is cast by the party's 24th-level archmage... greater dispel adds a maximum of +20 to your d20 dispelling check, so a 24th-level archmage who cast mindblank is at a DC of 35 to dispel (DC 11 + 24); at level 30, greater dispel is impossible... so they'll need something else).
Mordenkainen's Disjunction? (I have not yet fully understood that spell, but I'm working on a "house interpretation", basically making it a foolproof dispel magic...)
Other than dispelling, I'm at a loss... Mindblank is just THAT good...
Off the top of my head, I can't think of a way around it... Other than timing. Have some nastybad prevent the wizard from renewing the spell when it falls, and charm the party then -- or better yet, charm the wizard. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
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I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen!  |
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Talwyn
Learned Scribe
Australia
222 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 04:45:22
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I'm glad my meagre offers have been received well.
I do know that it won't make any meaningful impact on the Tarasque thick hide that WotC has however it's cathertic for me to make some amusing lines and convert them into familiar popular songs..
Jamallo, wow! "Roar". Now that's something I hadn't thought of in ages. Yes it was a complete load of bollocks but it was amusing none the less but not as side splitting roll on the floor laughing as Zena was. When she when ayayayayayayayayay [whatever] I always lost it laughing. But I digress...
Yes, I agree with what you've said with you example of corporate insanity. I do believe that Hollywood is slowly getting the message that being accurate to history and faithful to the source material means a great deal to the consumers [fans] of whatever product they are producing. And when it comes to FR and the other D&D settings, what the new changes which have been implimented will no doubt attract new gamers to the setting because of the new rule set but that is very short term thinking. If the new players are anything like your typical gamer, their tatstes will develop and if they become serious gamers, they will want a rich and vibrant world, not FR lite. The changes that have been inflicted on FR are arbitary and in many cases simply stretch the suspenscion of disbelief too much. Introducing floating islands and removing entire geographical regions just go beyond the now trite expplaination that Mystra's death and the merging of Abeir did it all. Poppycock! What absolute twaddle! Even a five year old, if told about the way the world was and then was presented this new information, would question it.
Anything on that scale would take THOUSANDS of years to recover from, not a mere 100 which is what WotC have plucked out of the air as their figure.
I, like yourself, like my fantasy to be believable. I am in agreement with you about the missile weapon ranges in 3.0 etc and I still use 2nd ed tables for that. Mind you, I never did like the damage that a heavy crossbow was assigned, far to puny for me liking.
Be that as it may, everyones tastes are different and if they are people who enjoy the new setting and rule set then that's good for them but it leaves the poeple like us who were happy with the way things were, left out in the cold and unhappy. Such extreme changes are not necessary and I honestly believe that FR as it was before the insanity of the spellplague and gods acting uncharacteristically, could have been incorporated into 4E and WotC would have kept everyone happy as we'd have had a new rules set but more importantly, CONTINUITY of the realms which we understood and loved.
I would have prefered if the song remained the same... |
Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on.
Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun.
EAT LEADEN DEATH DEMON!
Terry Pratchett
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Jamallo Kreen
Master of Realmslore
USA
1537 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2008 : 05:02:06
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Any spell which has a long duration has a hidden flaw: you must either renew the spell before it expires or else recast it after it expires, thus losing the benefit of the spell for however long it takes to cast it again.
If you go the first route, you gradually push the time of casting back earlier and earlier in each successive day; therein lies a risk that one day you'll cut too deeply into your sleep cycle to relearn spells the following day and possibly have a disruption of your sleep cycle which lasts for several days. (Ever stay awake for twenty hours or more at a convention?) Trying to reduce the backward creep by recasting it so that the new spell kicks in exactly as the old one expires is a good way to develop an obsessive-compulsive disorder and paranoia. Have the PCs regain consciousness in a lightless cell after having been coshed on the noggin (mindblank doesn't protect you from a rogue with a blackjack!); tell them they have no idea how long they have been unconscious; make certain that they have no scrolls or spellbooks with them; tell them that they have no way of knowing whether or not their mindblank spells have worn off except by casting a mind-affecting or divinatory spell, which they may not have memorized, but which they may need to get out of wherever it is they are being held if it is memorized or if they have a sorcerer or bard who can cast it. Then lean back and watch them squirm.
The vulnerability of the second route is that the spell has worn off and is not in effect while it is being recast. A patient opponent need only "ping" the PC on a regular basis until a contact is made, and he can then unleash as much nastiness as he can muster to prevent the PC from recasting the spell.
The only way for a PC to remain safely protected is to invest in a lot of scrolls with the spell and/or an item which maintains the effect after it has expired. This allows it to be recast in safety unless the item is taken away. (The reason to actually cast the spell even when in possession of the item is that the spell's effect won't disappear if the item is stolen.)
We now return to our regularly scheduled anti-Hasbro songfest....
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I have a mouth, but I am in a library and must not scream.
Feed the poor and stroke your ego, too: http://www.freerice.com/index.php.
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Kiaransalyn
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
762 Posts |
Posted - 28 Jul 2008 : 14:04:16
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Thank you for your songs, Master Talwyn. Was it Bob Dylan who said "All I ever wanted to do was change the world but it was indifferent to my efforts?" Perhaps we could rephrase that quote to be "All we ever wanted was the same world but Wazzocks of the Toast were indifferent to our cries?
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Death is Life
Love is Hate
Revenge is Forgiveness
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass. |
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Kiaransalyn
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
762 Posts |
Posted - 05 Aug 2008 : 20:31:38
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Well Master Talwyn, just to give you some competition (albeit not up to your standard) I've penned my own ditty based on the awful Terry Jacks song Seasons in the Sun.
Goodbye to you, Forgotten Realms.
We've known each other since way back when.
Together we climbed hills and dales.
Learned of love and treacheries,
braved the depths, won victories.
Goodbye my friend, it's hard to cry,
when all the dice are rolling critical
But now we've a new edition
Pretty profits everywhere.
But when you see them I'll be gone
We had joy, we had fun, we had sessions by the ton.
But the dragons that we slew
were resurrected once anew
Goodbye, the drow, my chosen race
You were the black sheep of your family.
Goodbye Vhaeraun, Kiaransalee
The pantheon are all dead
Another bloody travesty.
Goodbye, DM, it's hard to die
with all the healing surges and the like,
But now we've a new edition
Pretty profits everywhere.
But when you see them I'll be gone
We had joy, we had fun, we had sessions by the ton.
But the dragons that we slew
were resurrected once anew
Goodbye you lesser deities
You gave me details and strategies
And every time that I was down
I would take Faiths and Pantheons
and get my feet back on the ground.
Goodbye, the Realms, it's hard to cry
when all the dice are rolling critical
But now we've a new edition
Pretty profits everywhere.
But when you see them I'll be gone
We had joy, we had fun, we had sessions by the ton.
But the dragons that we slew
were resurrected once anew |
Death is Life
Love is Hate
Revenge is Forgiveness
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass. |
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dwarvenranger
Senior Scribe
USA
428 Posts |
Posted - 05 Aug 2008 : 23:22:47
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| Hmm, lots of talent here. I'd applaud, but it makes me in more of an introspective mind than a happy one. |
If I waited till I knew what I was doing, I'd never get anything done.
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Pandora
Learned Scribe
Germany
305 Posts |
Posted - 07 Aug 2008 : 14:45:29
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quote:
Originally posted by Purple Dragon Knight
Mordenkainen's Disjunction? (I have not yet fully understood that spell, but I'm working on a "house interpretation", basically making it a foolproof dispel magic...)
Other than dispelling, I'm at a loss... Mindblank is just THAT good...
Suggestion: Maybe change Mind Blank so it works only once a round? That way you could still have the risk if you are facing a horde of vampires for example. I houseruled Improved Invisibility to have the person become visible until his next round after attacking and Mind Blank once per round would be the same somewhat.
Talwyn and Kiara:
You need to record the songs and put them up on Youtube or so. Maybe fame and fortune await you after a million users watched them and you get a record deal. |
If you cant say what youre meaning,
you can never mean what youre saying.
- Centauri Minister of Intelligence, Babylon 5 |
Edited by - Pandora on 07 Aug 2008 14:47:19 |
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A Tribute to 4E FR in song
