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Alexis Merlin
Learned Scribe
USA
115 Posts |
 Posted - 24 May 2003 : 19:04:22
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Hi all - at long last I have part one of my Sea Battle story (apologies for the bland title - I am still working on a better one! )
The night was cold and dark, lit only by the stars and the warm glow of hand-lamps or minor cantrips which had been weaved by those of sufficient magical talent. Water lapped at the side of the boat which lay moored in the coastal town of Aquas Dale, in the Kingdom of Sembia. People from all over the town flocked through the streets like a hive of ants hurrying about their work. Though on this particular night the only work was in aid of the great celebration due to take place to honour the town’s founding many years ago. Willis Morr held on tightly to his young grandson Charlie, who was not yet 9 summers old, as they pressed through the crowd towards the waterfront.
As they reached the handrail to go up onto the boat, a burly seaman barked
“Tickets please!”
Willis fumbled in his pockets for a moment before handing them over. Charlie still gazed in amazement at the large boat with its sails unfurled and the many sailors working to get it sea-ready. Willis on the other hand, having seen so many in his life hurried with him up onto the foredeck to get prime positions for the magical display which was set to commence. In the distance a group of mages bustled about atop of a high tower with all sorts of scrolls and mystical aids ready to assist them in the forthcoming display of wonder and power. Now that the boat was finally full, the sailors moved her out into the mainstream to be right underneath the awesome show. Charlie began to fidget impatiently, when all of a sudden a spectator proclaimed
“Here they come!”
As the first of the magical bursts of energy was released over the crowded ship, Willis stumbled as the boat rocked with the waves, and suddenly he was no longer looking at the dark waters of his hometown, but the light blue of the Sea of Swords, and was on his old ship Righteous Anger.
***
“Here they come!”
Willis looked up at the cry of the sailor positioned in the crow’s nest and reached for his spyglass to see for himself. He felt the inscription on it underneath his hands of “Tymora protect this Noble Son”…...it seemed only like yesterday that his parents presented the spyglass to him on the day he left to join the Sembian Fleet. As he raised it to his eye he saw the sails of the massed pirate fleet that they were here to combat. Quickly turning to his Captain, a certain Moran Fortitude, who had shown no hint of emotion at the appearance of the dark fleet on the horizon, Willis remarked
“Any sign of the Cormyians and Vilhons yet sir?”
Moran, who would have been a poster-man for the grizzled seadog stereotype, simply gruffly snapped,
“If they have not shown then it is because it is the Sembian’s destiny to destroy this piratical filth and present Urdogen the Red’s head on a plate to our alleged Allies!”
Turning to the helmsman, he ordered a course bound directly for the centre of the pirate fleet, whilst Willis hurried towards his waiting midshipmen, then checked himself and calmly strode so as to not appear too hasty. Some of the older hands smiled slightly at the young officer’s mannerism ,but stiffened as he drew nearer. On his way to them Willis passed Iluminus Pyke, the ship's Mage. As he nodded in greeting, there was no reaction from Pyke. For a moment Willis was surprised at the man's coldness, before realising that he was in fact mumbling an incantation and almost imperceivably weaving his hands in a protection spell of some kind. Turning back to the awaiting Midshipmen, Willis barked,
“Run out the guns and take battle-ready positions! Ensure that all men have been issued with weapondry – we are going into the heart of the enemy and may be boarded without warning!”
As Willis gave his orders there was a burst of thunder as the first pirates opened fire, then a loud crash as the shots fell short and bitter sea-water was kicked up onto the Anger’s deck. Some of the men cheered at the misjudgement and now began to ready their own return broadside at the now rapidly approaching fleet.
***
People cheered on the boats deck as the first volley of magical explosions erupted above them. One of them fell slightly short and hit the water, soaking the spectators. Charlie squealed with delight as the spray covered him, yet Willis barely flinched, his eyes still seeing back many years to a completely different place.
Please post all comments, constructive criticism, etc...
Part 2 coming soon!
Alexis
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It is knowledge that influences and equalizes the social condition of man; that gives to all, however different their political position, passions which are in common, and enjoyments which are universal.
(Benjamin Disraeli)
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31701 Posts |
Posted - 25 May 2003 : 07:27:08
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This is very good Alexis, I can see that the information I provided for you came in very handy. It seems as though it will be quite an interesting story.
As for criticism, I find I have very little to complain about, other than a few grammatical errors, which do not really negatively affect the story in anyway, just serve to irritate someone like me who has a keen interest in linguistical studies.
I do have one question however. In this portion of the text -
quote:
As Willis gave his orders there was a burst of thunder as the first pirates opened fire, then a loud crash as the shots fell short and bitter sea-water was kicked up onto the Anger’s deck. Some of the men cheered at the misjudgement and now began to ready their own return broadside at the now rapidly approaching fleet.
you make mention of the fact that sea-water was kicked up onto the Anger's deck. I am assuming that this is the name of the ship that Willis was on. Is there more to the ships name or is it just 'Anger'.
All in all though a great beginning. I can't wait to read the rest.
Good learning...
- The Sage of Perth: For all your Realms Lore needs
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31701 Posts |
Posted - 25 May 2003 : 07:31:29
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And as for the title to this drama -
If you want, I can help you with a few suggestions. However I will have to know the basic plot in order to help you, so if your interested, email me, and I'll see what I can provide. Sometimes it helps when there is more than one person thinking about this sort of thing.
Anyway, I always here. If you need any help with your story at all - in any capacity - I'll be glad to assist you.
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Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
Scribe for the Candlekeep Compendium -- Volume IX now available (Oct 2007)
"So Saith Ed" -- the collected Candlekeep replies of Ed Greenwood
Zhoth'ilam Folio -- The Electronic Misadventures of a Rambling Sage |
Edited by - The Sage on 25 May 2003 07:32:51 |
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Alexis Merlin
Learned Scribe
USA
115 Posts |
Posted - 25 May 2003 : 18:17:26
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The ship's name was "Righteous Anger", as <briefly> mentioned when Willis first has the flashbacks - the technique I used of abbreviating the name to Anger was used in the "Hornblower" books by C.S. Forester, which are about a British Naval Officer (and of which I am a great fan ). I find that it helps to keep the narrative moving quickly during 'action' sequences - particularly when you have long ships names like Indefatigable which Forester would often shorten to Indy.
Thankyou for you offer of help with a title - I will email you shortly with a plot synopsis etc.... |
It is knowledge that influences and equalizes the social condition of man; that gives to all, however different their political position, passions which are in common, and enjoyments which are universal.
(Benjamin Disraeli)
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31701 Posts |
Posted - 26 May 2003 : 07:21:38
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I apologise for missing the name of the ship. I was so caught up reading the tale, that it completely skipped my mind.
Anyway, yes I will be glad to help with the title. I do have one question however - Do you wish me to post my ideas here or email them back to you?. Just let me know.
Good learning...
- The Sage of Perth: For all your Realms Lore needs
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Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
Scribe for the Candlekeep Compendium -- Volume IX now available (Oct 2007)
"So Saith Ed" -- the collected Candlekeep replies of Ed Greenwood
Zhoth'ilam Folio -- The Electronic Misadventures of a Rambling Sage |
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Artalis
Senior Scribe
USA
444 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2003 : 05:28:53
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Great stuff, I personally don't like to use gunpowder in my campaign but the style is excellent. The transition between current and flashback is also classic and well done.
In short I like it.
Well done. |
Artalis
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Alexis Merlin
Learned Scribe
USA
115 Posts |
Posted - 10 May 2008 : 05:36:58
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And finally...after years in the making (well, tbh, more the past half hour or so! ), I can present the 2nd part of the unimaginatively titled "Sea Battle":
There was much commotion amongst the crowd on the boat as they reacted to the wondrous display in the heavens above. People cheering and talking in awe of what had happened and anxiously expecting the next onslaught. Meanwhile, Willis subconsciously went through hand motions from a time many moons ago.
***
There was much commotion on the deck of the Anger as they prepared for the forthcoming conflict at close quarters with the Pirate fleet. While barking orders and speaking words of encouragement to his men, Willis found himself nervously checking and re-checking his cutless was easily drawn from its sheath and his pistol crossbow was cocked and ready. To the West of the Anger the Sembian galleon Tymora’s Son was following their headlong course into the pirate fleet, while to the East her sister ship Rage of Sembia was maneuvering to a perpendicular position, in order to give them covering fire from her vast array of weaponry. Willis looked up to realize the Anger was now close enough to the Pirate fleet that he could make out the people on the decks without the aid of his spyglass – a fearsome crew which looked eager to spill the blood of the Sembians. He saw what must be the ship’s Captain, a muscle-bound half-orc with a necklace of bones, standing next to a dark-cloaked figure who’s hand-motions gave him away as a magic-user. As the dark-cloaked figure reached the conclusion of a spell, a silver crackling energy field appeared around his hands, and thrusting them in the direction of the Anger, Lightening Bolts leapt forth and struck some crew members who were readying one of the Anger’s small cannons. They collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain like injured snakes, and Ilumius Pike immediately appeared next to them, his staff firmly planted in the ground, emitting some kind of blue sphere which encompassed Pike and the injured crew. Willis ran to Pike, and reached in his pocket for a set of healing balms he knew could aid the afflicted crew.
***
As the sky above the ship erupted with a fresh display of magical talent, a particularly loud spell caused many of the crowd to instinctively duck with a loud boom, while Willis immediately looked up with grim determination. Charlie clung to his hand with a slight cry of fear at the violence the display was showing, despite it’s harmlessness.
***
A loud boom grabbed Willis’s attention away from the injured crew, and he realized the Pirate Mage had hurled another offensive spell, deliberately aimed at the injured crew. He realized he was only alive thanks to Pike’s protective shield, and with grim determination forming on his face, he stood up and took hold of the small cannon the crew had been readying. He recognized it as a “Falconette” – used for sweeping the decks of enemy ships with anti-personnel fire, and checked it to see if it had been fully readied. It was, and he carefully swung it in the direction of the Pirate Mage. He knew that at this distance, it would be a difficult shot, but was sure that with the right aim, he could make it count.
He reached down to the deck where the unlit fuses were lying next to the injured crew, and as he picked them up felt a hand grasp his. He looked up to see a terribly scarred crewmember staring at him, who said “For Sembia, Willis!”, as his body shook and convulsed with terrible pain. Willis gripped his hand tightly, and replied “For Sembia!”, as he stood back up again, and fumbled in his pockets to find some way of lighting the fuse. A voice said “Allow me, Sir”, and he saw Pike holding out his hand, at the end of which a small flame was growing. As Willis lit the fuse, Pike winked at him and then returned his attention to the magical shield which he was conjuring. Willis took careful aim at the Pirate Mage once more, who appeared to be almost screaming his words of conjuration with terrible malice, and lit the Falconette. The Falconette’s mouth erupted with a loud blast as the flame ripped forth and the smell of burnt gunpowder filled Willis’s nostrils. As he looked towards the pirate ship, he saw the damage he had wrought – the pirate mage was clutching his arm where splinters from the shattered wood had pierced deeply, and was visibly angered at the disruption of his no-doubt powerful spell. Willis could almost feel the Mage’s anger sweeping over him like a firestorm, but countered his fear with the confidence in his fellow crew and faith in the Gods to protect him.
As he turned to go back to the main deck of the Anger, he saw Captain Moran had also noticed his actions, and received a stern but respectful nod in recognition.
Hopefully part 3 coming sooner than the 5 year wait for the last one! |
It is knowledge that influences and equalizes the social condition of man; that gives to all, however different their political position, passions which are in common, and enjoyments which are universal.
(Benjamin Disraeli)
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Sea Battle Part 1
